There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met. - P.G. Wodehouse
Every author really wants to have letters printed in the paper. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels. - P.G. Wodehouse
There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. - P.G. Wodehouse
She ignored my observation. This generally happens with me. Show me a woman, I sometimes say, and I will show you someone who is going to ignore my observations. - P.G. Wodehouse
Well, you’ve taken a weight off my mind.A mind, I should imagine, scarcely constructed to bear greatweights. - P.G. Wodehouse
Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.'Go to hell!' said Bill.'Right-ho,' said his lordship. - P.G. Wodehouse
As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight. - P.G. Wodehouse
The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence. - P.G. Wodehouse
There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature. - P.G. Wodehouse
I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose. - P.G. Wodehouse
...anyone looking at you would write you off as a brainless nincompoop with about as much intelligence as a dead rabbit. - P.G. Wodehouse
Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts - P.G. Wodehouse
I never feel really comfortable unless I am either actually writing or have a story going. I could not stop writing. - P.G. Wodehouse
...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature. - P.G. Wodehouse
The ideal adventurer needs... the quality of not being content to mind his own affairs... - P.G. Wodehouse
One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation. - P.G. Wodehouse
I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head. - P.G. Wodehouse
Her lips were tightly glued together, her chin protruding, her whole layout that of a girl who intended to stand no rannygazoo. - P.G. Wodehouse
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness. - P.G. Wodehouse
Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman. - P.G. Wodehouse
[T]he success of every novel -- if it's a novel of action -- depends on the high spots. The thing to do is to say to yourself, "What are my big scenes?" and then get every drop of juice out of them."(Interview, The Paris Review, Issue 64, Winter 1975) - P.G. Wodehouse
He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom. - P.G. Wodehouse
It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine. - P.G. Wodehouse
-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter - P.G. Wodehouse
[A]lways get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothing puts the reader off more than a big slab of prose at the start."(Interview, The Paris Review, Issue 64, Winter 1975) - P.G. Wodehouse
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more. - P.G. Wodehouse
She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up. - P.G. Wodehouse
I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit. - P.G. Wodehouse
This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth. - P.G. Wodehouse
I always advise people never to give advice. - P.G. Wodehouse
Oh, is that my report, father?' said Mike, with a sort of sickly interest, much as a dog about to be washed might evince in his tub.' - Mike and Psmith - P.G. Wodehouse
Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind. - P.G. Wodehouse